I am the second of seven children. I love being a member of a big family and I love that I was born second because being an older sibling is the best part! 10/10 would recommend. My favorite thing about being a big sister is watching my younger siblings grow into individuals. They develop their own likes, dislikes, personalities, styles, and attitudes. It is so fun seeing how my existence has left little imprints on them.

Now, if you were to ask one of my sisters about my influence on her life, you would get a weird answer. She would probably summarize the entire experience by telling you a story about me doing a cartwheel into her face when we were kids. FYI, I was 10 and didn’t know it would hurt her. My little-kid brain thought she would just end up cartwheeling with me or bouncing back up like one of those weeble wobble toys. I did not think she’d end up with a broken nose.

However, if you were to ask the youngest of my siblings about the influence my existence has had on her, you’d get a completely different answer. She might tell you about how everyone says we look exactly alike, our choreographed dances, or how she gets her sense of humor, social awkwardness, and extreme need for attention when she’s talking from me.

Not every interaction I’ve had with my five younger siblings has significance to me. Not every interaction holds the same value or memory for me that it might for them. I don’t remember every conversation, every time they hurt me, or every time I hurt them. I don’t remember all the things that have made an impact on their lives. However, like my cartwheel to the face, they do. Those memories are locked into their brains and I don’t get to erase them.

As we explore the power of our influence in relationships, it’s important to understand that scripture lays out vital characteristics for us to imitate within our relationships. These characteristics lead to healthy influence, healthy relationships with others, and a healthier relationship with ourselves. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul’s writing to the church teaches us four valuable traits to carry into our relationships in order to have a great influence.

READ: Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

The first thing Paul says is to “be kind to one another.” This seems simple right?! Being kind is easy. But, what is kindness? Kindness is being nice, it’s being gentle, it’s showing sympathy or care, it’s being supportive of the dreams, hopes, and aspirations of others. Kindness is love, generosity, consideration of others, and the action of being helpful. Kindness is welcoming a new person to youth group. Kindness is not talking about people behind their back. Kindness is showing grace and giving space for understanding when people have different beliefs than you.

The second thing Paul writes is to “be tenderhearted.” Like kindness, tenderheartedness can mean a lot of things. Most importantly, it is being a safe space for your relationships. To be tenderhearted means to be open, welcoming, and warm to those around you.

Next, we see that Paul calls us to be “forgiving [of] one another.” Let’s be honest, we all make mistakes. I would love to live in a world where I never do anything wrong, no one ever gets hurt by my words or actions, and everyone agrees that I am perfect. But that just isn’t the case. Sometimes I can be selfish, sometimes I can be mean, sometimes I do a cartwheel into my sister’s face, and in all those instances people get hurt. However, we can all agree that moving past our mistakes is so much easier when people are willing to forgive us. Paul encourages us to demonstrate forgiveness because he knew the church would make mistakes and without knowing us he knew we would too.

Now, in the final part of this scripture Paul says, “as God in Christ forgave you.” There are two important things to take away from this section of the scripture:
1) We are to do all of this because Christ has already done all of this for us.
2) We are to do all of this as a demonstration of our likeness in Christ.

The truth is, it’s hard to always be kind, always be tenderhearted, and always forgive on our own. If we had to walk the journey of “perfect” or healthy relationships without examples, I don’t think any of us would get it right. But we have Jesus as an example of not only a perfect savior and sacrifice, but as a good person, a good friend, and what a good relationship looks like.

As you wrap up this study with your circle today, keep in mind that no one is perfect but we must strive to be good examples of Christ to those around us. Jesus demonstrated kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness throughout all the relationships He had here on earth and into eternity through his sacrifice for us on the cross. As we continue to push towards being Christ like, we should be a living demonstration of his kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness to our friends, families, and even strangers.