I received one detention in all my years of school. It was the low point of my academic career. Not because it ruined my perfect record of outstanding behavior, but mostly because the detention slip contained the most embarrassing reason for a 15 year old to be banished to the 1st floor detention center: “She bit another student.” Let me explain.

I sat next to a hilarious girl who was constantly poking fun at me in Spanish class. One day her jokes escalated into literal poking. She poked my arm every time Mrs. W turned around to write a new verb conjugation. Poke, poke, poke, until she poked me right in the face! Before her pokey finger even rebounded off my cheek, my random reaction began. I rapidly turned my head and grabbed her finger with my teeth — like a shark. I didn’t fully expect to actually bite her, but once I realized I had trapped her finger in my pearly whites, there was no turning back. I looked her dead in the eye with a victorious glare. Unfortunately, that was the exact moment Mrs. W turned around. She had a zero tolerance policy for students who bit other students, so without even an “aviso” (Spanish warning), I was written up.

My parents heard about my belligerent bite. My teachers were made aware that I received a detention for “threatening behavior.” Maybe the colleges I applied to even got their hands on my school records revealing that shameful, sharky moment. One, quick reaction sure came around to bite me in the butt.

Our natural response is to retaliate. It’s just what you want to do. Someone makes fun of you, you make fun of them. Someone pushes you, you push them back. Someone pokes you, you bite their finger off. While the response is natural, that doesn’t mean it’s beneficial. Take a look at what Jesus has to say about retaliation during His Sermon on the Mount.

READ: Matthew 5:38-42
You have heard it said ‘eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

If you’re anything like me, this almost sounds like bad advice — especially when you first hear it.
An eye for and eye seems like perfectly fair punishment, but Jesus is calling for an end to retaliation altogether. If someone slaps me with a backhanded comment, every instinct in my body tells me to give it right back to them! But Jesus says to peacefully let them continue. If someone tries to take what’s mine, my knee-jerk reaction is to lecture them (and possibly my entire social media following to ensure none of my friends ever try to pull the same thing). However, Jesus says to be gracious and generous. Then Jesus really loses me at the whole two mile run thing. I’d have a hard time with anyone forcing me to go one mile out of my way. I’d be inconvenienced and exhausted. But Jesus says to serve others by going above and beyond, taking things an entire mile further.

It’s important to read every passage of scripture with an understanding of the Bible as a whole. Although these verses sound passive at first, Jesus would never say that you can’t defend yourself from harm. He actually teaches that the Holy Spirit will help you defend yourself when it’s necessary (Luke 12:11-12). When you look at Jesus’s teachings as a whole, it becomes clear that he isn’t saying we can’t stand up for ourselves at all. Rather, we are to not actively seek our vengeance.

Every wrongdoing requires a reaction, but Jesus teaches us that your reaction doesn’t have to be a retaliation. You don’t have to sink to their level. You don’t have to seek revenge. You don’t have to let it consume your thoughts. You get to decide how you will respond.

Most people will craft a strongly-worded text, passive-aggressively subtweet the perfect response, tell their friends all about it in dramatic detail and begin to plot revenge. Jesus tells us there’s a better way to respond out of love.
When they keep blowing you off, continue extending invites.
When they make a hurtful comment, show grace and forgiveness.
When they are tearing people down, speak words to build them up.
When they are showing hate, do everything you can to show them love.
When their needs are inconvenient and frustrating, use it as an opportunity to bless them by going above and beyond.

Responding to every situation with grace and love requires some serious change of heart. We must learn patience, kindness and forgiveness…and be ready to react out of love when every bone in our body wants to retaliate. This challenging commandment seems to contradicts our natural human reactions, but Jesus goes there with confidence that we can be transformed through the Holy Spirit.

Not only does responding out of love eliminate vengeance and conflict from your life, but it also serves people and glorifies God. When you respond with love, you demonstrate God’s grace. You build others up. You show people the hope found in forgiveness. You prove their worth. Oftentimes to the people who need to feel God’s grace the most. Go the extra mile! Serve someone whole-heartedly, especially when it’s inconvenient and irrational. God uses those moments of incredible faith to show others how Jesus has transformed your heart, and maybe it will transform theirs too.

TALK IT OUT
Go through these questions with your circle. Be honest. Be open. Talk through the tough stuff.

Q1: Think of a time when your initial reaction was retaliation. How did that end up for you?

Q2: What are some typical results of retaliation?

Q3: What do you think would happen if you responded to upsetting situations with love instead of anger?

Q4: Why do you think it’s so important to Jesus that Christians stop retaliating against others?

Q5: How do you typically respond when you’re forced to go out of your way for someone?

Q6: What would it look like to “go the extra mile” instead?

Q7: Think of one person you’ve been reluctant to help lately. How can you go the extra mile to serve them?