One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone invites me to hang out, then spends the entire time scrolling through their phone. It ruins conversation and makes it seem like they don’t care about our time together. I recently went to lunch with a friend who ignored me for almost thirty minutes. She spent the whole time scrolling through instagram. I got so bothered by her total lack of engagement that I stopped conversation altogether — and she didn’t even notice! If it weren’t for my delicious açaí bowl, I would have stormed out mid-meal.

I couldn’t stop thinking about her rudeness the entire drive home. I called my sister and told her all about it. I like memes as much as the next guy, but I’d never ignore a good friend right in front of me just to spend time on my phone! When I got home, I started looking up statistics about how long people spend on their cell phones each day.

According to the New York Post, Americans check their phones upwards of 80 times per day. That means that we struggle to go more than 10 minutes without looking for a new notification. Separation anxiety has even become a legitimate issue among people who are separated from their smartphones for even the shortest period of time.

Ironically, I was reading all this research with my husband sitting right next to me. “Hello!” I snapped out of it and looked up. “I was trying to tell you something,” my husband said. “Go look on your desk.” I walked into my writing nook to see a beautiful orchid and a love note from my sweet hubby. I missed this random act of kindness because I was on my phone complaining about people who are distracted by their phones.

I was being so hypocritical! Not only did I waste a lot of time and energy critiquing my lunch date, but I was completely unaware of the fact that I was doing the exact same thing.

READ: Matthew 7:3-5
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time the is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Have you ever gotten something stuck in your eye? Just a tiny speck of dust can be so painful when it’s lost somewhere between your eyelid and your brain! Imagine having a plank stuck in there? You’d be partially blind and fully consumed by the pain. Now, imagine being in that state while trying to help your friend get a little eyelash out of their eye. You’d end up neglecting your own serious condition while struggling to see how you can help your friend. Of course Jesus is exaggerating with this silly metaphor, but it exemplifies an important principle. Overlooking your own faults while judging the faults in others ultimately harms your own well-being.

Jesus wants you to experience personal and spiritual growth. This always begins with honest and humble self-reflection.

God, why have I been losing so many friends? …I have been gossiping, lying and breaking trust.
God, why do I keep falling back into this temptation? …I have been trying to do this myself instead of asking God and my church friends for help.
God, why can’t I escape these dark feelings? …I’ve been distracting my mind with social media and Netflix while neglecting my own self-care.

There is incredible growth in people who recognize their short-comings and dedicate themselves to bettering their personal and spiritual lives. The enemy would love nothing more than to stop that kind of life-change. His offensive attacks often comes in little, critical voices within your own head. “She is so fake.” “Her faith is not genuine at all.” “He acts like he’s perfect but everyone knows what he’s been doing.” “His stories are so exaggerated, you can’t believe a word he says.” It is so easy to see the flaws in others. But what if looking at others causes you to overlook yourself? What if you are not only hurting others by judging them, but hurting yourself by neglecting to see the changes God is wanting for you in your own life? Maybe you need to stop looking out the window and start looking in the mirror.

Jesus isn’t saying that you shouldn’t help a friend by pointing out their self-destructive behavior. He is simply saying that you need to be sure you are healthy and seeing clearly yourself before you can guide others in a godly way.

If you want to see growth in your own life, turn your negative attention to others into constructive attention for yourself. Recognize every time you start to criticize or judge others. Stop yourself, then use that saved time and energy to think about changes God wants for you in your own life. How’s your relationship with God? How’s your prayer life? How have you been treating your family and friends? What are you really prioritizing right now? How are you serving God and others?

How much could you grow in your spiritual, emotional and physical health if you spent every moment you currently spend talking about others allowing God to transform you instead?

TALK IT OUT
Go through these questions with your circle. Be honest. Be open. Talk through the tough stuff.
Q1: What’s the most painful thing you’ve ever gotten in your eyes? Q2: How do you think social media affects how we judge others?
Q3: Think of the most critical person you know (don’t say his/her name). How do they talk about others in most of your conversations?
Q4: Do you think you spend more time talking about how others should change or how you’d like to grow yourself?
Q5: If you were to do some honest self-reflection, how might God want you to grow in your faith? Health? Relationships? School? Sports?
Q6: Pick one change you think God wants you to make in your life. What can you do to grow in this area if you give it all the attention, time and energy you are currently putting into criticizing others?